Worry. I do it a lot. I always have. In fact, on my report card in Kindergarten my teacher noted, “Andrea is a delightful child, but she worries too much.” My friends know that the first verse I ever memorized was, “Cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.” 1Peter 5:7. I’ve always said this is the first verse I memorized because God knew it would be the rock I’d need to lean on my entire life.
We’re doing a “Walking Out on Worry” devotional as a church for the next two weeks and day one we’re supposed to name our fear. My fear has many faces, but I think the name boils down to unworthiness. I feel unworthy. I always have despite having been loved my entire life by my family. It probably has something to do with my brain chemistry and tendency toward depression, but nonetheless, it’s a very real struggle for me. Unworthiness as the cancerous root in me sprouted tentacles that causes secondary issues including, anxiety (what if I do something and end up looking foolish/crazy/obnoxious), weight issues (I’m not worth taking care of my health), relationship struggles (who will love/like me) and I’m sure there are others. My mantra when I start to feel overcome with unworthiness, is “I am a beloved daughter of the King of Kings.” I have to remind myself of my worth in Jesus. My identity is who I am IN CHRIST and because of Christ, I am worthy.
During communion yesterday the band played a song that resonated with my heart and reminded me to remember to look to Jesus for my worth.
“Now blameless, You call me Holy
I’ve been forgiven, You call me righteous and free
Now spotless, You call me worthy
I am Your child, You call me chosen
I’m, Yours, I’m Yours”
I am worthy.